I went to war today. My war is personal. My war does not involve blood, but does involve destroying.

This is a staged attack. Last week I tried dish soap and baking soda. That removed the smell, but not the stains.

This week I attack on a second front. Clean the slop sink and prepare for battle. A long term skirmish of an oxyclean soaking is in my future. There my white uniform will lay while the oxyclean goes to work. Will this be the time my uniform goes from dingy to sparkling white?

If this does not work, I will regroup, research, and study the enemy closely, determining another attack. I have heard of peroxide, and liquid bluing. One thing is certain, I cannot use bleach.

And when this war is over, the gray of my white uniform will be no more.


Up late again

Up late again.

Should be asleep.

Was on the couch.

Finished my show.

Watched another episode.

Stayed up a little longer.

Caught up on the news.

11:15, up late again.

Last weekend

Last weekend I was reminded of how great my husband is. He cooked, he did all the laundry, he got the children to help him clean. He went to the grocery store. He mopped the floors. He loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. He took the children to where they needed to be. He did everything, including let me sleep because I was sick.



nounplural journeys.
1. a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time; trip:

a six-day journey across the desert.
2. a distance, course, or area traveled or suitable for traveling:

a desert journey.
3. a period of travel:

a week’s journey.
4. passage or progress from one stage to another:

the journey to success.
I have been thinking about this word a lot lately.  Though I never typically think of it in terms of a long trip.  My husband and I love to travel.  We took 2 weeks in Alaska seeing the sights, 3 weeks out west seeing national parks, and cities, and have seen all but 6 states (New Mexico, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, Georgia, and Hawaii) together. When my husband and I travel, we typically call it going on an adventure, or getting away, or going to relax, or taking a vacation.  We never refer to this as a journey.
I have instead been thinking about “journey” in the 4th definition.  A passage or progress from one stage to another.  Being a former classroom teacher I often saw my students journey through elementary school and into junior high.  Their journey would take them into maturity, puberty, and all the other crazy emotions that this growth entails.  Being a business owner/karate instructor, I now see students journey through different ranks, growing and maturing along the way.  But this journey is different.  This is now my journey.
My journey has led me to practice martial arts for 18 years.  My journey has led me to test for my black belt while pregnant with my 2nd child.  My journey has led me to test for my 3rd degree black belt 2 months after we opened our studio 6 years ago.  And now my journey has led me to be invited to test for a master’s rank.  Not everyone is invited and no one is sure when/if their invitation will come.  In fact my invite is a story that I will share another day.  But I am on this journey and whether I feel ready or not, I have the honor of attending camp and testing.  And so I give myself pep talks every day.  I tell myself the same things I tell all  my students.  “You got this.” “Go out and do your best.” “This is the total of all the practice you already put in.” “I believe in you.”
And yet I am on this journey, and I don’t know what the final destination will be. It is scary, and exciting, and fabulous, and nail-biting, and so entirely welcome.  And even after the test is done, this journey, for me, will continue.

Go away!!

Do you ever have one of those moments?  The “GO AWAY!” and leave me alone moments.  I was laying here in bed, listening to the dryer ding that it was done, watching the spinning wheel of death on my tv because comcast wasn’t working, thinking about what to write about.  I had begun to generate a now forgotten list in my head when my husband sits down next to me.

Him: “So is the tv still out?”

Me: “Yes.”

Him: “Do you want to watch a show downstairs?”

Me: “No.”

Him: “What are you doing?”

Me: “My blog.”

Him: “I’m thinking of watching SNL, or do you want me to save it for you?”

Me: “No, I’ll watch it later.”

Him: “When is later, because if this thing keeps acting up, we may need a new one.  Should I save it for you? Never mind, I’ll watch something else.  I’m going to feed my fish, are you joining me downstairs?”

Me: Look of death with a blank screen.  Then I type the title.  Go Away.

Him: “So that is what you will write about today.”  He leaves the room.  Does something in the hall, and comes back to peer over my shoulder as I have begun to type.

Him: “I think I will watch you type and comment as you do it.”

We both start laughing, and, thankfully, he leaves.  If not, I may have thrown the remote at his head.  Now I have to generate the since forgotten list of ideas and moments I could reflect on, and/or write on.  But this moment will be remembered, laundry is calling my name again, and he has gone into the laundry room.  That can only mean one thing.  He is going to be coming back.  🙂

My girl


I am here in the dark thinking about my day while my 2 kiddos are asleep in the hotel bed next to mine.

Today was no ordinary day. Today my daughter pre-tested for her black belt. This is a day she had been hiding from due to fear and uncertainty. This is a day she had been worrying about because of who her parents are and to quote her “I don’t want to let anyone down.” This is a day that came despite her attempts to avoid it. Does this surprise me? No. We often avoid tasks we deem difficult, scary, unlikable, disgusting, or anything else negative that we wish to avoid.

But today was no ordinary day. Today my daughter pre-tested for her black belt. Despite her fears, she gave it her all. Despite her uncertainty, she showed her skill. Despite her worry, she held nothing back. And at the end of the day, when she left that room smiling and excited, I asked her if she was proud of herself. Her response was YES!

Today was no ordinary day. Today my daughter pre-tested for her black belt. Her dad and I couldn’t be there. We weren’t allowed to watch. This was behind closed doors. She had to do this on her own. We knew she was ready. This was her time to shine. She had put in the work, practiced her skills, but did she know she was ready?

It’s 1am and as I reflect on the smile my girl gave and the hug I received when I saw her after the pre-test, I would think that she did. She knew she was ready even if only for a brief moment.

Tech trouble

Yesterday I wrote.

I wrote about being on my daughter’s field trip. I wrote about having the private concert and the freedom to enjoy it. It wasn’t much but I wrote. Then came the tech trouble.

We have all experienced it at some point or another. The need to out-think the computer because it won’t do, post, show, what you want it to. When it came time to share my piece with all of you, I could not find the web address to post it. A very simple thing to find but because I was using my phone and not my computer, it was “new” to me. But I tried. 3 times I tried. And now I have downloaded the app to try a different way because I believe I am smarter than a machine. I can think outside the box, and adapt. I will figure out how to share my slices with all of you this month, because I will be out of town for some of it and using my phone is the only way I have to slice each day. So I raise my mug of tea and make a toast to learning something new, stretching my wings, and apologizing in advance if I post this piece 3 times in an effort to get it “right.”

I will not be beaten by technology. I will figure out how to post from my phone. Because it just can’t be that hard. Happy slicing everyone!

Field Trip

3 years ago I left the classroom to teach in an entirely different way. My business is growing, but what has inspired me today is the freedom that decision has made. I left the classroom to spend more time with my family. Working 14 hour days was literally killing me. Today I get to choose what I do during the day, and I chose my oldest child. I am the field trip mom. I, along with 5 other moms, get a private concert from her band. They have gone to the local college to receive feedback from the music professor there. 7th and 8th graders receiving college tutoring as a band is something I never got at that age. Sitting here in the chapel listening to them play is beautiful. Knowing I get to be there for my daughter is priceless. This is my gift to her, but what she doesn’t know is that it is a gift to myself. Today, I get to choose, and I chose the band trip, and I chose her.

My Daughter’s Piece

It seems like forever since I have posted.  But today’s post is not my own.  Instead, my beautiful, courageous, twelve year old daughter is once again inspiring me with her grit to put herself out there.  Last week she entered 1 of her drawings in an art contest at school.  This week she asked that I share her poem with you.  She has a creative soul, and I am in awe of the piece she created a few weeks ago in her Language Arts class.

Wind in my Heart

If wind would whip once more.

Wind once whipped like a swirling storm

in my heart a yearning once there now gone.

The yearning to be in the beautiful blue sky of the mountain side.

The yearning once went boom, boom, boom in time with my heart.

Now the wind only howls outside.

It howls a sad, sad tune.

If wind would whip once more.

Now that the wind is gone, I sit in my little hole of a world,

looking out wondering where went that yearning

to be where creeks babble and flow,

where wolves howl and trees sway.

If the wind would whip once more.


Contemplative Question

To my future self,

I am writing today, March 31, 2017, because I am truly wondering what the answer is to this question.  Have we moved so far to the right or left that there is no room for the independent, middle thinking voter/candidate?  I have been contemplating this idea for the past few weeks.  You see, in December I filed paperwork to run for my local school board.  I have always thought myself more democrat than republican.  Saying that, if I look at the larger picture, I am currently staunchly in the middle.  I agree with some aspects and ideas of both sides.  This question stems from my struggles over the past few months to “win” endorsements.  The local conservative group has thrown their support behind 4 other candidates, all of whom have spoken of more conservative ideas.  The local liberal group has thrown their support behind these same 4 people.  Which leaves me befuddled and wondering.  I speak of having an educator’s background (so does 2 of the 4 that have support from these groups).  I speak of owning my own small business and maintaining fiscal responsibility (as does the other 2 of the 4 that have support from these groups).  I do not make knee-jerk reactions, or split second decisions.  Instead I choose to view the world through discussion and experience. I choose to contemplate and listen to both sides of a discussion.  I would think this would make me a stronger candidate.  But when I find myself feeling like an outsider, seeing others endorsed for the same beliefs I hold, and watching “newspapers” print information that I know is completely false, because I am living my life and know what is true and not true, I begin to wonder exactly how this political process works.  If the same 4 people are endorsed by far right and far left groups, has the narrative changed so much that there is no room for someone in the middle who is independent.  Is this what a true “independent” has become?  The election is April 4th.  In the grand scheme of things, whether elected or not, I will still attend board meetings, I will still be active in my child’s school, I will still ask questions and choose discussion over reaction.  I will take all that I have learned and apply it to my daily interactions.  I have joined groups on Facebook to stay more apprised of current thoughts and ideas and I will attend their meetings because I see value in these groups.  I see value in conservative ideas and liberal ideas.  Yet I wonder.   What will happen in the next few years? Does anyone else see value in an opposing viewpoint?  Have we moved so far to the right or left that there is no room for the independent, middle thinking voter/candidate?

Sincerely and Thoughtfully yours,

Your current self