We decided as a district to all write about the same word.  I have been reading lots of different viewpoints on the word surprise today.  From pregnancy, to flowers, to parties, all are wonderfully awesome surprises. But…

What do you do when you hate surprises?  Not just deal with them, but go out of your way to avoid them.  That is me.  Most people enjoy unwrapping gifts, tearing into the paper to find out what is below.  Not me.  It fills me with dread.  It could be too many years of my family getting me gifts they thought I would like because they thought I was “really into” NKOTB, or Wizard of Oz, or _____ (insert some other type passing interest or one brief comment about how i enjoyed something).  It could be too many years of having to “fake” how much I love it, and then I get more of the same theme for the next year or 2.  I hate presents.  I go out and buy my own.  I wrap them myself.  I open them with excitement because I finally get to use, or wear, or watch whatever it was that I bought myself.

Most people enjoy surprise parties.  Not me.  Just let me get together with my closest friends without all the hooplah. Let me sit back and enjoy a glass of wine.  When I am the host, or guest of honor, there is too much pressure for me to enjoy the party.  I don’t want that.  I just want to be me.  And if I don’t clean up the mess right away, or talk to that one person at the party because I got to talking to someone else, I don’t want the emotional upheaval such a faux paux may indeed place upon my family.  Just let me hang with some friends and enjoy my life.  It is, after all, my birthday, or my anniversary, or my wedding.

Most people enjoy surprises. Instead, this word fills me with dread.  I want to know my plants are returning.  I look forward to when they bloom and become anxious if they have not.  Anxious that it is still winter, anxious that I may indeed have to replant and I really liked the ones I picked out and now I can’t remember what they were in the first place.  Everything has a place, everything has a job, and if it doesn’t then I have to deal with it and I really don’t have time for that.

Most people enjoy surprises.  This post may make you believe that I am inflexible, or unable to roll with unplanned events.  This is just the opposite.  I teach small children, everyday is full of surprises, and I can adapt to the joys they bring.  But those surprises don’t make me anxious and I don’t have to please anyone when they happen.  I just smile and praise and thank and those fabulous students of mine love it.  I can handle day to day things and put out problems that I am surprised have occurred.  I can jump into a situation that I have no experience with and learn along the way and don’t become anxious because I am in some way removed from things.  It is only when I am in the spotlight, or have to give the “proper” reaction that surprises are the most dreaded moment in my life.


2 thoughts on “Surprise

  1. I hear ya! I feel the same way being I the spotlight with people waiting for an expected reaction and I’m not sure what that should be. It’s anxiety personified.

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